24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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