i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
