There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
