If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
