ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
