Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
honey bunches of taint.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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