My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
