I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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