someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
