You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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