Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
