Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
