I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
