good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
