she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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