remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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