if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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