Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
