did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
