just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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