How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
