Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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