I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
