I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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