u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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