i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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