i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
