I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
