please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
