i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
