I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
