the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
