Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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