i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
