Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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