the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
