"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
