did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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