You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
