"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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