And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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