The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry about my life...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
