I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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