Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
