i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
