oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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