Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
