The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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