Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
