My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
