She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
