If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
