PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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