Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
