well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
