i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
